I’m baaaaaaack!
I know y’all probably thought I abandoned this blog, but I promise I haven’t and to prove that I have returned, and to kick up as much attention as I can, here is a video of Jack, because EVERYONE...
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I got my hair cut short last week.
I said “Cut it like this, but with bangs” and handed this photo to my hair stylist: What my hair looked like leaving the salon: What my hair has looked like every day since: FML. 36 Comments
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AND I still have thumb rabies!
J: “Hello?” Me: “I think I have fibromyalgia.” J: “Oh, God, Laura. Why do you think you have fibromyalgia?” Me: “Everything hurts. I googled it. I have fibromyalgia.” J: “And you don’t think you hurt...
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Bless me Oprah for I have sinned.
Apparently it’s the “in” thing now to publicly confess what has always been blatantly obvious to everyone. And even though Oprah has never invited me on national TV, and no producer has thrown millions...
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Why I love that man.
So last week my fibromyalgia, or polio, or body rabies, whatever I had, was making me feel like shit so like I always do in time of great physical pain, I searched my medicine cabinets and the bottom...
View ArticleGuns don’t kill people, spiders with guns in old rusted-out orange Camaros do.
Dreams are total bullshit and no one really wants to listen to someone’s bullshit dreams so with that being said, here’s my bullshit dream: Sunday night I dreamt I was walking down a narrow, country...
View ArticleAnd it’s not even Friday yet.
Tuesday night I was bored and I started playing with my iPhone. Did you know I have an iPhone? An iPhone 5? With 64GB? Well I do, and I started playing the game Contre Jour, which if you’ve never...
View ArticleMy First World Problem.
Last Sunday when I went grocery shopping, I got so pissed at my cashier, a 20 something punk of a kid, because the entire time he scanned my groceries he talked to the bagger, another 20 something...
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I just decided that weekends are for product recommendations, at least until...
I am constantly being bombarded with questions from people like “Your skin is so perfect, what products do you use?” or “Oh my God, your skin just radiates perfection and youth, what products do you...
View ArticleMy kingdom for a Friday!
I decided that my usual diet of gin and Circus Peanuts with the occasinal bacon sandwich needed to be supplemented with a daily vitamin so I went out and purchased a bottle of One-A-Days. Then I took...
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There’s only one thing I suck at worse than routinely blogging anymore, and...
Some friends and I were sitting around eating lunch and one of them said someone they knew with the honest-to-God last name of Cheeseburger was having a baby and they were going to name it Chelsea. All...
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Just when you thought it was safe to start reading blogs again…
No, I didn’t run away and I haven’t died, though there were days I thought I would do both. My rabies keeps flaring up and I think I’m in Stage 4 renal and liver failure, but besides that, I am fine...
View ArticleI will never enter another federal building unless I’m being brought in...
The other day one of my friends at work needed to pick up some tax forms and she asked if I would go with her at lunchtime. I told her I would and thought while I was there I’d pick up a state form...
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The Ted Bundys of the animal world.
You know what I hate? I hate when you’re going through life thinking you know something for a fact and then BAM you learn it’s all lies! This happened to me this weekend. Here I was all ‘Oh my God...
View ArticleSome people just don’t want to hear a romantical love story. Jaded bitches.
I went to the orthopedist today because my left knee has been hurting. You would know this if you follow me on Facebook and read in between my postings of goats and Gordon Ramsay memes. Anyway, after...
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Pinterest is Satan.
I think I’m addicted to Pinterest. Yeah, I think I’m a cyber-hoarder. I spend entirely too much time there looking and pinning shit I’ll never buy or make, sometimes pinning the same thing five or six...
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Vintage Easter Jack.
Yeah, I know I’ve sucked at blogging. If you friended me in Facebook you’d know that I handed in my resignation the week before last and I have one more week at the Bunch O’Bitches Headquarters and...
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This is just like a National Geographic documentary of my life this week...
I hate it when bloggers say they’ve been too busy with real life to blog so I’ll just say I’ve been too busy sleeping. In between my naps I have taken some shitty pictures with my iPhone. Did you know...
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I’m excited about Memorial Day.
And if you don’t take a half-eaten box of cupcakes to a barbecue in exchange for a grilled casing of unidentifiable meat bonded with sodium nitrates then the terrorists have already won. 23 Comments
View ArticleJ has always been the voice of reason in this relationship and that has...
Back when I first got this place and had some guys clearing what had become a forest of a yard, I met one of the next door neighbors. Immediately my bitch radar went off, and believe me when I tell you...
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